The "Tough Kids": Shifting How We Think and Talk About students with Challenging Behaviors

Think of the toughest student to ever walk into your classroom. Every teacher has one. Maybe this student was whispered about in the faculty lounge, or yelled about in the principal's office, or cried about in your empty classroom at the end of a hard day. Can you picture this student? Good. Keep them in your mind.

This student was one of "those kids" - a student who had challenging behaviors at school. But how we think and talk about a student with challenging behavior as a significant impact on how we interact with them. That's why, as a BSEL Coach, I choose to refer to students with challenging behaviors as “tough kids.” 

Today, we're reclaiming the word "tough."

---

I'm not here to put sprinkles on poop. Challenging behaviors are HARD for educators. Really, really hard. But the only way out is through, so I want to encourage you to just go with me here on this. I want us to shift our mindset so we can think and talk about students in more dignifying, productive ways.

Webster dictionary defines tough as “strong and durable; not easily broken.”

You know what isn’t included in the definition? “Bad.”

​Tough kids - the students who exhibit challenging behaviors at school - are not bad kids! They are, however, resilient kids. They are strong kids. They are kids that help us grow as educators. Let me explain.

First and foremost, students with challenging behaviors are resilient. Many of them face unimaginable obstacles, some we know about but many we don’t. Whether it’s disabilities, trauma, poverty, illness, loss, stigma, the list goes on, they showed up in spite of it. They persevere every day just by being in our classrooms and having the vulnerability to express themselves. We can never, ever forget this.

Students with challenging behaviors are also strong. They have opinions, wills, and advocacy skills - even if they don’t show them the way we’d like. Too often we work against their strength, rather than with their strength. But when we learn to come alongside the student, we can see their strength for the gift it truly is.

And yes, students with challenging behaviors can cause difficult situations in the classroom that may disrupt learning, pose a safety risk, or even just get under our skin. But difficult does not mean impossible to cope with or manage. Rather, it is an opportunity for us to learn new skills ourselves, collaborate with others, and build confidence in reaching and teaching all students.

So think back to your toughest student from before. I’m going to ask you some questions I want you to really think deeply about. We’re going to take some time to reframe our mindsets here.

1. How was this student resilient? What was their life outside of school like? What challenges did they face inside the classroom?

2. How was this child strong? How did they advocate for their wants or needs? What skills did they have?

3. What did you learn from the difficulties you encountered when working with this child? How did having this child in your classroom improve your teaching practice? What do you know now that you didn't know before?

Think of that "tough kid." Think of all the "tough kids" - the ones we work hard to love and tend to learn the most from in the process. They're going to need unique supports, instruction, and interventions that other students might not need. It's not easy, but boy, when you see the progress they can make, it becomes worth it.

It's worth it to be brave for the "tough kids."

Our words matter, and they help us communicate clearly and get on the same page. But the science of behavior uses terms that may be unfamiliar or just confusing to educators. That's why we're breaking down key behavior terms one at a time, to help school teams translate behavior into something they can understand. Now you're speaking our language!